True Secrets Of Lesbian Desire:
Keeping Sex Alive in Long-Term Relationships
The true nature of sexual passion is Patriarchy’s best-kept secret. It’s kept so secret that even we, women, outsiders of Partriarchy, don’t know about it. We joke about bed death in our relationships. We have resigned ourselves to the old wives’ tale of patriarchal thinking: that hot sex and passion fade from any relationship in the blink of an eye.
So how to discover the true nature of sexual passion? Where do we find it? Hold your breath—it is in intimate, long-term relationships. Why there? This is what True Secrets of Lesbian Desire is about. Find out how taking the risk of knowing your lover and being known, intimately known, in all your sexual fear, shame, and longing, opens the door to lasting passion.
Reviews
Stendhal is onto something. True Secrets of Lesbian Desire is the start of serious dialogue on lesbian relationships, emphasizing their validity and showing that, like any other relationship, they are worth working for. Jano, Lambda Book Report
This book is a welcome addition to the small number of lesbian self-help psychology books on the market. Using examples of couple interaction in therapy sessions, Stendhal cites cases from her practice in which self-awareness was achieved. She takes special aim at the shame some women experience around sex. Sonja Freneta, Gay and Lesbian Review
What a compassionate and useful little book, so full of heart and good sense. Renate Stendhal brings to her work deep understanding about intimacy that will benefit any couple ready to take the next step in love and passion. Carol Queen, Ph.D., author of Exhibitionism for the Shy
(F)ew self-help books tackle women’s issues with a more politicized lens and increased sensitivity. True Secrets examines women’s longterm relationships and asserts that truth-telling as political act can create a deeper love and is the healthiest, ‘least costly’ and most effective strategy available. Nicole Braun, Foreward
Renate Stendhal’s unique words of wisdom are wonderful and have an important message for everyone. Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon, co-authors of Lesbian/Woman
In [True Secrets of Lesbian Desire], Renate Stendhal delves into discussing sexuality from a woman’s point of view; a topic too often ignored today. A San Francisco Bay Area consultant and award-winning author, Stendhal encourages us to debunk the myths that surround sexuality and to explore our own unique and creative desires. The book is based on the relationship issues of lesbian couples but it deals with a question asked worriedly by people of all sexualities: What do you do when you and your lover are having problems with your sex life? It is a scenario many of us have gone through; we meet someone and the sex seems great. Time passes and the relationship becomes more serious but the sex just is not what it once was. What now? Stendhal brings up the idea that we, as a society, are forced to conform to a mainstream conception of sexuality and in doing so, we bury our own secret desires. Her antidote for breaking down barriers in one’s sexuality is to combat them with pure and stark truths found through intense self-discovery. She encourages us to reach beyond shame and fear to uncover truths with our partner. This process and result is promised to be more fulfilling, sexually and emotionally, then all of the so-called passions of the “honeymoon” phase of a relationship. [True Secrets] does not dish out the generic and insipid advice too often found in commercial, self-help books. Instead, Stendhal offers her advice gently and sincerely in this deeply personal guide. While narrating accounts of her patients undergoing the process of reaching their full potential in their sexuality by producing honesty and tenderness within a couple, we learn to rediscover sexuality in our own terms. Hajera Ghori
For years now, women have been told that we don’t have to settle for second best, that we have a right to get what we want in relationships and in bed. Finally, Renate Stendhal has arrived to show us, reassuringly and lovingly, how cultivating radical honesty—about who we are, where we’ve been, what we want, and how we want it—gives us the tools to stop settling and start creating the relationships and sex lives we really want, without starting over from scratch. Hanne Blank, author of Big Big Love: A Sourcebook on Sex for People of Size and Those Who Love Them
Renate Stendhal’s book contains a passionate message in a deceptively small package. It is full of gentle wisdom, insight, encouragement, and, most important, hope. Merryl A. Sloane, GreatSexSecretDesires.com
Tracking all these mutual quests for honest relationships, Renate’s small and beautiful volume almost made me wish to be in one myself. I’ll keep it handy, should the occasion arise. Alix Dobkin, singer/songwriter
This lovely book—in design, in language, in ideas—is not so much a rigid how-to manual as it is a gently persuasive here’s-how book. [True Secrets of Lesbian Desire] is suffused with sound advice on how to relate with one’s lover, much of it drawn from the author’s own consulting work with lesbian couples. Its intensely personal and emotionally honest tone, however, transforms it from mere sex-therapy guide into a myth-debunking work positing that trust and truth are the keys to unlocking long-term erotic potential and pleasure. Stendhal . . . is in turn playful, stern, practical, and philosophical—a warm teacher whose wisdom belongs in the life of every lesbian stuck on the myth of lesbian bed death. Richard Labonte Book Marks, Q-Syndicate
. . . This book is a tremendous resource, not just for lesbians, but for ALL women who want to get the most out of their sexual relationships. Move over Dr. Ruth, here comes Renate Stendhal! A Reader, Amazon.com